Love, Friendship, and Loss

“A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.” Sirach 6:14

I recently came across my friend Debbie’s Instagram account while looking at my own. It was bittersweet and also healing because last year Debbie left the earthly world and all who loved her. She did not choose to leave, but fought courageously and tried her absolute best to remain here with those she loved, but in the end she died, leaving so many of us here to go on not knowing how that would look or how it would feel to be without her.

So coming across her posts on social media were like taking a trip down memory lane and remembering how much her life impacted so many people despite being cut short. It has taken me a long time to work through some of my grief and bear witness to myself in the process. I didn’t know Debbie for many years and yet her spirit, life, and connection impacted me deeply. I have tried to reflect on why this is so but ultimately I believe some connections are mysterious. It is a soul connection of sorts. Someone who touches, sees, and acknowledges you in a deeper way than others and when it happens, you can feel the difference.

Debbie shared so many similarities with me in my own life, but that is not what really connected us. I am a person who values connection, honesty, integrity, truth, and beauty. I believe these are the values that connected us so deeply ultimately through love. She loved to be alive! Everything she did in her life was done with so much life and purpose. It was invigorating to be around her and it left a mark on your soul.

I spent my early years feeling this zest and purpose and somehow along the way, due to choices, I began to imprison my self and all I valued, only to survive each day the best way I could. I let go of my values, zest for life and purpose and my life became a maximum security prison inside where I hardly recognized myself.

Knowing Debbie, spending time with her, and developing our friendship over the last years of her life opened that part of myself and gave me the desire to live fully again. While I marveled at her initiatives, goals, and dreams, I slowly opened myself to my own. She was someone on the road with me, encouraging me, holding space for me, bearing witness to my own pain, and deeply listening to me.

I miss her every day, but now I hold her spirit in my heart and I choose to fly. What a beautiful gift she gave me. Debbie’s business logo had a willow tree in it and every time I pass one, I smile and thank her. I choose to live fully today, embracing every twist and turn, and give thanks for the gift of her presence in my life.